I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
