You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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