I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
