Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
