Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
