You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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