What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
