I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize