My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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