Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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