Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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