Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You can't special order awesome
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
