Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
