Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
