I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
