ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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