I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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