You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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