Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
