you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize