he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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