weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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