Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
