Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
