She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
