Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize