just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
