You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
