do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
