i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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