Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
