HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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