I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
