so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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