I'm gonna have a badass scar
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
