in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
