my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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