Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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