You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
