So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
