Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
