The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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