you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's blow job season.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
