He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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