i need an iv and a liver transplant
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Found the puke drawer
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
