he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
