i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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