Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
