I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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