this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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