its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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