Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
