and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
