Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
