I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
