I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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