It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
