I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
