They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
