He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
