Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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