I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
false alarm. still invincible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
