sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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