Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
