I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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