I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
