the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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